...Paramount to Malpractice...

In a study of coaching in Australian Football League competition in November of last year, a large swath of coach/player interactions were tracked and the following was recorded in over 1,000 interactions: Negative accounted for 20% of the feedback v. 13% positive. Controlling feedback accounted for 58% of the interactions while only 8% were autonomous, or allowing the athlete to make the decision. Finally, task related feedback accounted for 60% of the interactions while process related information was just 37%.

What does this tell us? First, that traditional uses of feedback were evident in these professional and elite competitive sports settings. Negative, coach controlled and movement specific dominated the coaching scenery. However, the study also gives these findings: More positive feedback was provided in winning quarters than in losing quarters and more controlling feedback was prevalent in losing quarters than in winning ones.

Wait…what?

Another study done in 2011 had 40 novice and 40 experienced basketball players shooting free throws. In the study, “Both groups responded faster to neutral and positive words than negative words.” It concluded by reporting, “It was concluded that directing attention towards positive emotion may have benefited sports performance by diverting attention away from execution of the primary task (shooting free throws), promoting automatic skill execution by experienced basketballers.” 

Hmmm….

Let’s step back from the court and the pitch for a second. A 2020 study of the effects of teachers’ praise to reprimand ratios on elementary school students concluded the following: “A positive linear relationship was evident, showing that the higher the teachers praise-to-reprimand, the higher the students on-task behavior percentage.” In other words, the more praise students got, the more improvement they showed.

Let’s flip the script.

In some therapies in working with addiction treatment, often times confrontation therapy has been used and touted as a successful pathway to overcoming these toxic habits. But a 2009 study put that idea back in the drawer with leeches and bloodletting. “It is time to accept that the harsh confrontational practices of the past are generally ineffective, potentially harmful, and professionally inappropriate.”

And yet in so many sports, so many teams, coaches continue to berate, embarrass, ridicule and demean their athletes as an idea of motivation and “getting the best out of them.” Some coaches think certain athletes respond better to this kind of treatment. And even some parents, who maybe experienced this kind of coaching feel it did a world of good for them and thus, needs to be inflicted upon their child.

Take this kind of behavior and put it anywhere EXCEPT the sports arena. Your 10-year-old 4th grader misses a math problem and is forced to do pushups and gets a verbal tirade about how she isn’t trying and isn’t as good as the rest of the class. Your 13-year-old son is chastised by the waitress for spilling his soft drink on the restaurant table and is labeled a public klutz and not physically gifted enough to be brought out into public to eat. Your 16-year-old is going for her driver’s license and makes a small mistake on a left-hand turn in traffic. The instructor tells her to pull over, turn off the engine, get out of the car and proceeds to chide her in a loud voice just how ill equipped she is for driving and how her inattention to detail is going to cost someone their life someday.

Mom? Dad? You okay with these examples? 

Then why is sport different? Coaches, the evidence is OVERWHELMING. Negativity, yelling and screaming, detrimental language and actions- they are game changers but in the wrong direction.

Some coaches are open to change. Some aren’t. That’s the paradox of every profession in the world. Sometimes a profession doesn’t require much change and in some, technology and science has driven a new path forward. And as these professionals’ option, they can take the new path or stay on the dirt road. It is their decision or in come cases, the decision of their superiors or even the public at large. How many coaches have lost their careers because a cell phone records a post game meltdown or a regrettable phrase falling on the ears of bystanders. 

Not only is it just wrong and outdated, it can be a career killer!

As a parent, understand this generation IS different than yours. While you might not have had any options in your youth sport career because of opportunities or proximity to things, this generation has a plethora to choose from. Be selective when choosing a coach and a program. Negativity breeds negativity- understand that.No one can sustain their best being in fear all the time. Positive feedback, positive interactions, enhanced expectancies are all part of bringing the best out of athletes.

As coaches, we have to change. We have to realize that communication- the language we use and how we give it is the core to athlete development. Losing our cool, chirping the same things we did 5 or 10 years ago is paramount to malpractice. Take some time to be intentional with your thoughts and what you are saying to your athletes.

The science is telling us so.

...Thief of Joy...

A few seasons back, an innocuous chat with a Parent about their 14 year olds hair color, fashion sense and current interests and hobbies, all that was at the time considered perhaps a bit “out of the mainstream” was concluded with the Parent saying, “We’re proud that she’s finding herself and she’s her own person!”

A few minutes later, in the same discussion with the same parent, she expressed concern that her daughter “…wasn’t hitting the ball like Sarah. What’s wrong with her?”

We are comfortable when our children “go their own way” during social and educational situations, sometimes even proud. Some kids are put into AP classes while for others it might be necessary to take some remedial courses to shore up skills. Some students are held back a grade for emotional and education reasons. This isn’t frowned upon, it’s part of figuring out what is best for your child, helping them become a well adjusted and contributing member of society; something most every Parent subscribes to.

But when we throw athletics into the arena, those sentiments vanish quickly. Why isn’t my child as fast as hers? Why can’t my Son run like his? Why isn’t her jump shot consistent like her teammates?

The answer is the same one for every other aspect of their lives. Kids are different! They grow, mature and learn and process at different speeds and their engagement levels vary wildly.

A prime thought comes from T.J. Buchanan, the Director of Sport Development for USA Lacrosse and his ideas which are succinct and may cause some Parental arrhythmia. “There is no such thing as an elite 8-year-old lacrosse player. There are no high-performance 10-year-old lacrosse players. Some coaches may tell you different. Parents may tell you different. But what they are commonly mistaking for ‘elite’ or ‘high-performance’ is really just a young athlete who is simply more physically gifted at that given point in time, compared to their peers.” 

Some Coaches may also see their athletes at all the same level and muse, “I taught this to everyone but Jenny was the only one that didn’t get it!” Our first assumption is that either Jenny wasn’t listening, doesn’t like us as a coach or just doesn’t care when in fact, probably none of those are true.

Those 11’s and 12’s coaches see this learning variance more than 16’s and 18’s coaches, but it’s prevalent throughout sports- little league to the Majors. While it might be those kids haven’t gotten to the point of learning a skill or more importantly being able to execute that skill, a couple of other factors could be weighing in as well.

Perhaps the coach’s teaching technique leaves a lot to be desired. Volleyball is a game of speed, power, movement and most of all decision making. If your coach incorporates none of these into a practice plan, chances are those athletes will be behind other athletes of the same age.

Sometimes a child is asked to play ‘up’ on a higher age team because of their size or abilities. But just because they are playing on an older team, they are still thousands of volleyball touches behind. They are thousands of opportunities to read the ball coming over the net behind. They are still thousands of plays, on the other side of the net, behind where they would be learning and moving and anticipating. These thousands of touches aren’t ‘made up’ in a season, that player will have to learn faster in less touches, opportunities and plays. That alone can be overwhelming and a burden on athletes we are trying to train into relaxing and finding their ‘zones’ at the higher levels of our sport.

This need to compare is built into our social fabric daily. Social media has us chasing the famous and fit, comparing ourselves to their looks and lifestyles. We compare our lot in life with others of similar economic status and wonder why we can’t afford what our neighbors have. We compare our kids to their kids, our jobs to their jobs, our teams to their teams, etc. It’s built into our minds and on the positive end, it can help inspire us to do things maybe we didn’t think possible before. On the negative end, it can cause depression and a toxic self worth. 

Most child psychologists agree that it’s less than ideal and can be downright harmful for Parents to compare their own children but again, athletics makes these comparisons seem routine. “Your sister was able to serve over the net at 11 years old, why can’t you?”

Parents may be a root cause of this comparison conundrum. Yale Psychologist Marc Brackett, the director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence (EI) and the author of “Permission to Feel” researched college students on their EI and found in his data that college students reported feeling “stressed and anxious” as well as tired, bored and lonely. But when he unpacked the underlying emotions, one stood above all and was the root cause of the others: Envy. Envy of other students, grades and social status.

So how as Parents and Coaches can we get out of this compare and contrast mindset? National Team player Madi Kingdon, in an interview on the wonderful new podcast, “I Think We’re Good Here” had this to say about comparing herself to others.

“For me, I’m training with the best people in the world. If I start comparing myself to the person on my left or my right, I think that’s a recipe for disaster.” Kingdon says. “When I first got to the (USA) gym, I was like okay, that’s Jordan Larson…she’s pretty good, ya know? It’s like a snowball. So I think over time, it’s gotten to a point where I’m competing against myself.” 

“If I’m not making a roster, okay, look at the other outside hitters that are in front of me on this roster- they’re phenomenal. I mean, stats don’t lie- they have good stats, mine could be better and I’m fully aware of that and just realizing I have so much room to grow.” Madi adds, “People ask me ‘do you want to play volleyball anymore’ and I’m like yea, I have so much room to get better! I have so much work I want to do and I’m not near the player I want to be. So I realize that there’s room for potential and it’s more competing against myself than competing against other people who are in the gym because I think that would probably make you go crazy. It’s not easy!”

The phrase is overused a lot but in this instance, not used enough: Be the best version of yourself. That’s all that can be asked of you.

As an athlete, don’t worry about Coaches and Parents comparing you to other athletes; it’s ill conceived and a distraction.

As a Coach, instead of comparing, start coaching better. Understand that every athlete on your team has strengths and weaknesses and finding those strengths for the betterment of both player and team is a full time job in itself. There is no time to compare.

And Parents, let’s stop limiting your athlete’s growth and potential by corralling them into your ill fitting idea of what they should be and who you have compared them to and celebrate who they are, what they bring to the team and how they can best challenge themselves to improve.

Theodore Roosevelt’s wisdom and pith come across in his fitting mic drop;

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”