"If you can't say anything nice...."

Travel the coaching journey for many miles and you hear stories, from players, former and current.

(In total paraphraseology…)

“Holly, you are never going to be a setter. You aren’t fast enough and your hands are terrible.”

(She was 12)

“Chandler, if you are playing soccer for your high school during club season, you aren’t an athlete.”

(She was 15)

“Chandler, you only played one year of club and you can’t pass.”

(She was a college freshman)

“Landon, you will never be a setter or a hitter. Just go pass.”

(She was 14)

“Adrianna, you aren’t tall enough to be a hitter.”

(She was 15)

“Ashley, you will never play back row.”

(She was 15)

“Mac, you are too big boned to get to the ball. Love your hands but you aren’t fast enough to set.”

(She was 16)

These are examples of bloviating Coaches who put walls up on young athletes, in most cases before they are grown, out of puberty or have played the game very long.

Why?

Is it to show the level of internal expertise they think they may have? Is it to nudge a player into the direction that best fits their club team and program? Is it just a need for the coach to flex their ego?

Tough to say but there are enough walls in adolescence for young athletes, especially young women.

Holly went on to set for her college team.

Chandler is now the starting libero for her college team having set dig records her junior year.

Landon will start her college career this season after being named her state’s player of the year….as an outside hitter.

Adrianna will be starting her junior season with her high level high school team…as their OH1.

Ashley, at 6-1, played back row her final year of club.

Mac will be the starting setter on her high school team this season as a senior.

Too slow, bad hands, not tall enough, too ‘big’, can’t pass, can’t hit, can’t set, can’t block…..

We seem to forget one thing in this equation.

We are coaches. We should be helping them get faster, better hands, better passers, better attackers and better blockers. Why do we just look at an athlete and think this is the finished product and their entire career is based on how that club coach or high school coach or club director sees them at that moment?

Our mothers used to tell us the old adage, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything.”

Coaches need to take this to heart. Don’t tell your athletes what they can’t do, lead and coach them to what they can do.